I am weak. A lot of people view me as strong, but the strength they actually see in me is God’s strength. Me? On my own, I am weak. Sometimes I forget that, but then the Lord reminds me by allowing some trial like the one I mentioned in my last post, Saul vs. David — God wins .
I understand a little better how David felt when Saul was hunting him down, seeking his life. I wonder if he didn’t sometimes suffer from a bit of PTSD, feeling anxious about whether Saul and his army might be lurking around the next bend or behind the next outcropping in the rocks. There must be a reason why he penned the words,
“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.” Psalm 94:19 NASB and:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts;” Psalm 139:23 NASB
Having someone who hates you without a cause, who insults you and spies on you and lies about you and slanders you and falsely accuses you…. That’s hard. It’s even harder to continue actively loving them, knowing that your next loving act may just bring on another volley of same ole, same ole. And yet, God calls us, He calls me, to keep on loving anyway.
But I am weak. So how am I supposed to love them?
The Apostle Paul says, “Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NASB
Well, I can’t say I’ve hit the “content” with weaknesses button successfully yet, but I am peacefully resigned to it, and at least I know I’m headed in the right direction. I am happy to know that I serve a God who loves me in spite of my failures, and that His strength now has the opportunity to have another channel to show that same love to another person who also lives with failure, albeit in a different area.
So, today I pray the words of David:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.” Psalm 139:23,24 NASB