Slow Grief

Everybody who has experienced grief grieves in a different way. There is no one-size-fits-all grief plan, “How to Grieve 101”.

When I became a single parent of three, the grief was intense. But I had to push through and start a new life in a new (yet not-so-new) place.

I remember, on occasion, wiping tears out of my eyes as I drove my car, wondering exactly how safe was it, really, for me to be driving with my eyes blurred with tears.

I remember being so depressed that, when another driver did something dangerous, I would have welcomed their bringing about my physical end.  But the time was not yet come.  God had more work for me to do.

I think, looking back, that driving alone and prayer time were my two best times to grieve, because I didn’t have to wear a mask there to hide from anybody, and I could let my thoughts out of the harness of mothering and studying for classes.

At any rate, the grieving process was long and drawn out.  That was the way I needed to do it in order to get on with raising my kids.

Now I find myself in another time of slow grief, and yet it is much different from the first time around.  It’s like I’m grieving in reverse.Mom & Ruth White Cottage 2017-09-13 007 (2)

Each time I see new signs that my mom’s health is declining, I know that the day of her departure is that much nearer.  My heart grieves, and the tears pop into my eyes uninvited.  I wonder, if I grieve in reverse, will it be easier when the end finally comes?  I suppose that is different for each person, also.

I find it comforting to know that Jesus understands my grief!

“He was despised and forsaken of men,
A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;

Surely our griefs He Himself bore,
And our sorrows He carried;”  Isaiah 53:3a,4a

Jesus does not fault me for my grieving, for my tears, nor for how long it takes me to grieve.

It might be said that He has been grieving ever since the fall of man in the Garden of Eden over the sin of mankind and all of the

sickness

and

destruction

and

depression

and

death

that it has caused.

As a side note, the devil wants us to think that all the bad stuff is God’s fault and that it proves that He is unloving or incapable of taking it all away.

On the contrary, the devil is the one that started mankind down the road to all this grievous stuff, and

Jesus came to bear our sorrow

and take our death and destruction

in our stead.

We have only to receive His gift by faith.

Jesus understands our grief!

Let’s bring it to Him and be comforted in His love!

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26 thoughts on “Slow Grief

  1. I’m so sorry for all the griefs you’ve had to bear in your life, Ruth. It must have been so difficult to grieve while trying to raise three children. And now your mom. I pray God will give you grace to grieve and strength to survive. Thank you for this encouraging reminder that Jesus understands our grief. Love and hugs to you!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. What a powerful and comforting message to those who are grieving in any way. We need these reminders over and over again. Thank you for sharing your journey of tears, your deep faith and your blessed message. Praying for you, your mom and your family. May God bless you and hold you close.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Ruth thank you for sharing your heart honestly here about the hard, grieving days that you have gone through. I have never thought about “grieving in reverse,” but that is a very accurate description of what it feels like to watch someone that we love grow closer to dying. It is the letting go here that is the hardest, isn’t it? You are in my prayers as you love and care for your Mom.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re welcome, Bettie!
      I’m not sure what is the hardest; emotions are a strange beast sometimes. They have a way of kicking in without explanation.
      It is hard to watch my mom appear to become less and less what she used to be. I know all that knowledge is probably still there somewhere and that she just can’t access it anymore. It’s just hard.
      Thank you so much for your prayers! Bless you, sister! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Amen, Ruth! It is powerful to know He bears our weight. He understands. He grieves for this world every second. This is why God is mercy. He cares so much. ❤ Thank you for sharing something so open and heartfelt. We need this reminder that He understands.

    Liked by 1 person

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